A Killer Appetite by Holly Pennebaker

Author:Holly Pennebaker
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: McFarland & Company, Inc., Publishers
Published: 2019-10-30T16:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 14

Day 11

Wednesday, August 16

I grew up in a Southern Baptist home, and because my parents were strict and sheltered me like you wouldn’t believe, I was raised according to very strong morals. We had plenty of traditions to carry out from year to year. Some of them I liked; some of them, not so much.

I didn’t want to smile for the camera, or wear that outfit, as a five-year-old having my portrait made in August 1987.

I learned at a young age that I better not dare tell a lie. So I don’t lie. Period. I’ve never been able to fib, and even when I’ve tried, I’m so terrible at telling a lie that I get busted right from the get-go. I might be brutally truthful at times, but dishonesty is a bone that I do not have in my body.

So when I showed up to the EDTC on Wednesday, I was prepared to tell the truth about my Monday absence. I saw my therapist before group treatment, and when she asked if I felt better, I confidently let her know that I wasn’t ill, but that I needed the night away. A bit to my surprise, there was no backlash or judgment, and Carmen didn’t seem at all doubtful or perturbed. I breathed a sigh of relief to start the evening, but I still had reservations built up inside.

As I’ve had little faith in psychologists before, I was ready to see more out of my meetings with Carmen. I wanted to see her professional skills put to work and I needed to get clear on results and how therapy would get me there. I linked the idea of instant gratification to therapy and felt impatient … almost unwilling to go through months of treatment because—let’s face it—Carmen doesn’t know me. Can’t family, mentors and friends give me fitting advice because they’re the ones who know Holly Pennebaker inside and out?

It was like Carmen had read my mind. We opened right into the real conversation that desperately needed to happen. We talked about Saturday’s angering episodes—the supervised water bottle fill-up and the denial of use of my laptop for notes.

Don’t treat me like I’m incapable of being trusted, that I’m unable to make general decisions! If I want to walk to the water machine and fill up my label-free water bottle, then let me do it in peace! Yes—there’s food in the kitchen (where the water machine is located), and I get that some patients will attempt to steal food, hide food, quickly consume that food … but that’s not me! If others need to be watched, then watch them. But I don’t need that kind of supervision! I don’t need to be stared at during my every move of filling up a water bottle!

What was interesting wasn’t the discussion of my reaction to the overbearing supervision, but it was the next layer that made me swallow a gulp of pride so big I could have choked.

Why couldn’t I have

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.